icarusalsoflew | eudio

Mm. Remember how I mentioned having a sister? She was - is - older than me. And she's from my very first life cycle.

[ Drag, exhale. ]

At the end of it all, I think you can safely say that I ended up like this because I wanted to keep her safe.

For people who know that every deal has smallprint, there's nothing keeping us from making one if it's about family...

[A pause.] What's her name?

Setsuna. She died sometime back, and became something else. That something else prevents her from really being around for me or any of the other people who care about her a lot.

[Became something else is the part that scares her the most. The idea that it could happen to Jamie -- but it won't, because she's here. Taking this deal, for her brother. The parallels aren't lost on her, really.

Quietly,] Did she became that something because of something...you did?

No... that was something she did all on her own.

[ The next exhale sounds like a sigh. An almost pained one. ]

I can say with a lot of confidence, though, that I'm part of the reason why she died in the first place.

Did you kill her? [The answer will be no. She feels that, somewhere in her heart.] Because - that's the only way you are the reason for someone...

[Annabeth. Her own mother.]

No, but maybe she would have lived if I had listened to her.

[ He knows, logically, that it isn't healthy thinking like that. Knowing something, however, is always so different from feeling something. ]

It's moot and academic now since that was such a long time back, but.

[ But sometimes it hits him all over again. ]

[This isn't where she thought the night would lead. This is never where she thinks the day might end, this is one of those secrets that she hasn't divulged to anyone. Nobody comes to Eudio to hear about your sad story, right? Everything is fun, and sexy, and that's all that counts.

Except - sometimes, to lift a burden, you share one of yours.]

My mother. [Two words. Not Annabeth, but my mother. My mother, who could've learnt to love us better, given time, who loved us well enough to go to war all because of my plans, my decisions.] Right before I came here, she... [She doesn't smoke, so the inhale is shaky just because it is.]

It was my plans that ended her in the middle of a battle she knew nothing about. But I have to think...I have to think it was her choices, that had her stay. And someone else's sword that --

[Silence. Spanned over one, two, three - inhale.] The people who love us will do anything for us, even if it gets them hurt. And we can't blame ourselves for that love, anymore than we'd let them blame themselves when we did the same.

[ He's silent for a long time after hearing that. Then, another short laugh, a little wet with his heart's blood. ]

And it's hard to keep yourself from doing that, isn't it? I've lived a long time, but it never actually gets easier. You just get busier.

Or better. At not thinking about it. [Acting.

Her mother won't come back to life, but it sounds like his sister did.] Why can't you talk to Setsuna?

Because she's a powerful spirit that governs one of the First Concepts of our world, she's got an incredibly potent ban. It's specifically directed towards making sure she and I don't cross paths unless the Creator herself interferes, or unless circumstances align in an incredibly specific fashion.

[ And he's going through a second cigarette. ]

It's sort of like the universe's way of acknowledging how much we love each other and levying the perfect sacrifice, I guess. We've been able to talk a lot more recently, but I don't know how long that will last.

[At the end, a little sigh,] I was going to ask if you couldn't text, or call, or write letters. [There should always be a way.

Now with Jamie about to go to the Circle, break them apart from within, Mae knows she'll do whatever is necessary to still talk to him. Hell, she'll become a Messenger, if necessary, if it's to make sure she doesn't lose him out of her sight.

(Except here, in Eudio. But time, for her, stopped the moment she came here. So all is still the same.)]

The universe is a bag of crap.

[ There's a startled pause, then he's chuckling. It sounds a lot lighter than any other sound he's made since you picked up. ]

Funny. I've heard Josh say something similar before.

I have mentioned that he's smart, haven't I?

[There's that little laugh. That was nice, she considers it a victory in a sea of bitterness. It pulls her away from her own thoughts, from her own memories. He should just keep laughing, stay on the line and chuckle into her ear until she falls asleep not thinking of Annabeth, or Jamie, or the way a knife sinks into skin.

So needy. She shakes her head at herself, and sighs.]

I don't know, Hikaru. Look at us - we're both here, proving that we would defy the way the universe itself works, for the people that we love. Maybe that's a sign - [Quietly, with the same amount of hope she holds for it becoming true for herself:] maybe you'll see her again.

Yeah. When there's a will and all that, eh?

[ A tad soft again, but not nearly as bad as he was earlier. ]

...Thank you. I needed this.

Mm. [There's not much more to say to that. He should know by now that 'don't mention it' and 'anytime' are part of the friendship.

After a while, it's her turn to speak softly,] I haven't told anyone... about Annabeth. [pause.] Mum.

I'm happy that you trusted me with that, then.

[ It's humbling to realize that he's become good enough for other people to not just care about him, but trust him this way. ]

You have a way of doing that. [There's a smile to her words, if it's ever audible.]

Given enough time, I might end up telling you my deepest secrets.

I'd be all right with that if you are.

[ Besides, it's not like he won't end up telling her the same ones from his end. ]

I think...I might be.

Good, because I'd hate to be complicit with you doing something that you don't want to.

[Hey look - a giggle.] Consensual secret sharing.

There's a green joke in there somewhere.

[ You started it. ]

Go ahead. [She needs the laugh.]

Now?

[ Laughing a little. ]

I just said it was somewhere.

[ And he is currently failing at Life and Wit right now. You'd know. ]

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