icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ He's worrying at his bottom lip at that, but he does look up with just his eyes. ]

It's okay. [ Not... really. But he can deal. He doesn't want you taking him on as a burden on top of everything else. ] I get it.

It just... it hurt. Made me feel like you couldn't trust me to have your back.

I do trust you.

[Maybe a bit too much for his own good.]

And it's not "okay", is it?

[Yes. He can tell.]

[ Caught him there.

Giving you an apologetic look now, before he's quietly shaking his head. ]

Sorry.

It's okay.

[He doesn't even have to know what Josh is apologizing for yet.]

What are you thinking about?

[ Now it's his turn to have a rueful smile. ]

I dunno... I guess...

I guess I just don't get why you keep on running away from me.

[ Looking up at that and looking younger than his age. Just a kid trying to figure out what he keeps doing wrong where it concerns the person he loves.

Ducking his head again, though, and adding quietly: ] I'm sorry for trying to pick a fight. After you walked past me the other night... I called Alistair.

He said you'd need to get angry. But that you wouldn't. Not with all that guilt.

[The mention of Alistair's name makes this one get that look on his face, that odd mix of tenderness, ruefulness, and just a little bit of regret.

That, however, is an issue for another time. You're with him, and he's yours. Apparently, though, he has to remind you of that.

Drawing in close, to press his forehead against yours.]

To be honest, I was glad that you stayed so close. I'm just not at my best lately. [Stroking your cheek, still keeping your gaze.] And it's hard for me to open up about these things. You know I can't afford to lose it. Not while things are like this.

I know.

[ He doesn't mean to drop his gaze, to draw back, but he feels like he needs to in order to center himself again.

So this is Josh turning away and reaching for those cigarettes again. He needs a smoke. ]

[That leaves him to watch you for more than a heartbeat before his own gaze is dropping down to the floor, and to where his hands now hover above that, twisting about.]

I'm surprised you're not angry at me.

[That's a soft and honest admission on his part, right there.]

[ That stalls him from lighting up as he turns a Look your way, the cigarette balanced between his lips.

He catches that between his fingers, so that he can speak. ]

Why would I be angry?

[ Hurt? That you'd left, that you hadn't spoken to him before you'd run to tell him at least where you would be going to get some breathing room -- yes. Helpless? That he could do nothing to ease your heartache even if he tried? Of course.

But angry? Why in the world-- ]

Your father is in a coma. A woman you care deeply about and love is in a wheelchair. A number of Zangyaku operatives -- good, capable people who you, as a leader, are responsible for -- are dead because of Grendal's sick idea of a nuke.

You needed space and time to calibrate -- I get that. I can even understand why you'd need it to be as far away as China, because well... this is kind of, um, you.

[ Explain, please, Blade King. This one's a bit confused.

Softly, again: ] But why... would you think that I would be angry at you?

[Well, that's throwing him a little left of center. He's always been one to believe that regardless of one's situation, a person had to make the decision for himself to keep it together and not burden anyone else. In light of that, his personal assessment of his own behavior had been less than favorable. So.

The smile he's giving you now is small (as is his custom tonight) and a little helpless.]

I can't really explain it. Habitual, I guess?

[ And Josh is sending a look your way, no smile, a somber look in his eyes. ]

That's twice now.

[ He lights up; and he smiles this time, though the look in his eyes stays the same. ]

Gotta break that habit.

Edited 2014-04-01 19:26 (UTC)

I'm working on it.

[And it seems as though you're helping a whole lot in that direction. That seems to be what the look on his face is telling you, at that moment.]

Just... try to be patient with me. It's going to take a while.

Edited 2014-04-02 06:34 (UTC)

[ And he's tilting his head to one side, before he's reaching over to catch your hand. ]

Okay.

[ Threading your fingers through his now. ]

[He gives your hand a tight squeeze in return, and admittedly? It's a little harder than it should be. He's still too grateful, too happy to have you with him. He's also not feeling all that stable, or that good about anything, most especially himself.

There's that twist to his lips again, one that you might be becoming increasingly familiar with. The one that tells you that there's something he wants, and he's holding back on it all over again because he's worried, maybe even scared, of what will happen if he expresses it out loud. Couple that with the way he can't look in your direction and how the expression on his face is an uncomfortable mix of apologetic and shy, and... well. Maybe you could guess at what all of that means.

The rain's the only sound in the area. Mitsuru was around earlier, but it seemed as though someone has taken charge of the kitten tonight.]

[ And because of that, this is Josh slipping his hand out of yours for a moment, just so that he can go and kill his cigarette.

It's not that he means to take his time, he just needs to calibrate, to let the look on your face actually sink in, because you just have that kind of affect on him.

He's equally shy, you know. He knows literally nothing other than following your lead ( that first night, the weight of you against him, the taste of you on his lips ) and hoping that he's making you feel as good as you do him.

He's coming back now, closing the distance between you both and wrapping his arms around you as he presses his nose against your shoulder.

You will also hear, the distinct sound of the latch of your door locking into place.

He's liking how his powers can be so useful. ]

Ask.

[He heard that, all right, and if you put that together with the way you've put close to no distance between you (which means, of course, that he can feel the precise way that your body fills the air against his own, and can catch, once more, the way you smell)...

Does he feel all sorts of helpless and out of order? Yes. That might be why the way he reaches out for you - how he slides his arms around your neck, and lets his fingers over the nape of your neck and through your hair - is careful and hesitant.

You know how bad he is at asking for what he really wants.]

I...

[Trailing off, because his need for you is choking him up. This is a little terrifying.]

[ And he's skimming one hand up your back, the other drawing you close as he turns his face into your neck.

Again. Because 'breaking bad habits', right? He wants you to feel like you can ask things of him, to know that he is never one to get angry for the wonderful, giving things you just do. ]

Ask.

[ His lips brush by your ear now, and you'll feel the way he's tense along the shoulders. Waiting. ]

[You'll feel the way he shivers after you do that. It's getting a bit too warm in here - funny, given the weather.]

Stay with me tonight? Please?

[That's a breathless and helpless plea against your lips, after he's withdrawn to just look at you with far too many emotions in his eyes. Even after this conversation, a part of him is still scared that you're going to say no. That you're not going to want this.]

[ He'll take that. He'll take that and show you how okay it is for you to ask that, and how he is not going to deny you this.

He's framing your face with his hands now, a little more confident than that first time at the Tower, when he'd woken you minutes after his own feelings had finally clicked into place.

He's also drawing you in, pulling you close, as he slants successive kisses over your mouth, punctuating them every so often with a long and lingering one where he coaxes your tongue out with his own.

'Reined in intensity' is probably the best way to describe the way his hands are so careful, the way he isn't demanding but asking in turn: want this, want me as much as I want you. ]

[It doesn't take him too long to respond to all of that in kind, because he's just as careful, and still not quite believing the fact that the two of you ever happened, much less the fact that the both of you are back on the same page.

His eyes slide shut midway through the kissing, just as his own become urgent. There's a noise against your mouth, a short gasp punctuated with a whimper of need the moment he's opening up a little more to let your tongues slide against each other.

If it seems like his body's melting a little against yours, it's because he wants you close so damned much, and it's starting to feel like there's too much fabric and air between you both.]

[ He's answering your urgency with his own, and where the sounds you are making ( sounds that are going through him, that ring in his bones ) are soft and short, there's a low, pleased hum in his chest as he wraps his arms around you to drag you closer.

A part of him is flashing back to that first night you see, to the way you fit right up against him, straddling his lap before you were so rudely interrupted by one adorable but needy little kitten.

So yes, he's urging you into that position, fingers curling, palms kneading the planes of your back, down to slide his hands down to bring you closer. ]

[And of course he's letting you reel him in, letting you move him. How could he deny you? How could he not let this happen, now that it's obvious that he can want this?

All of that gives him the brief opportunity to be a little bit above you for a moment, and look down at your face with panting lips and darkened eyes. Every stroke of your hand on his body sent a new shudder through his body, because you're very slowly and surely heating his body up, awakening skin and nerves by setting them on fire, filling his head with static.

He's letting his arms rest right over your shoulders and coming back down again, to take that mouth of yours with his own. The kisses he gives you communicates just the barest extent of his desire, just as much as it is an offering of himself to you.]

Edited 2014-04-02 08:24 (UTC)

[ He's just going to let gravity take you both and sink down into that mattress, his mputh fused with yours. Josh is closing his eyes now, focusing all thought into the way your lips move against his, the feel of your hair as he runs a hand up your neck and into that, the way he can't help but shift against you, his other hand at your waist, keeping you close. ]

Hikaru-- [ it's a strained whisper as he mouths kisses against your cheek, there, by your jaw and ear. The hand running through your hair has fallen to your shoulder now and his fingers curl as weighted breaths escape him.

Your boy is thinking too much, Blade King, and a little embarrassed because if you'll recall that hot seat incident back in Shin Yamatai -- this is all incredibly new.

You'll feel -- especially given how close you are -- that hard-on between his legs. ]

Um.

[ Yeah, someone's feeling overwhelmed. ]

[By Elaine, did you have to sound that way, smell that way? Did you have to taste so fucking perfect (read: exactly as he imagined), and feel like you fit so perfectly against his body?

And yes, he's feeling that too. That last kiss he gives you breaks off with a quiet laugh. And yes, he's murmuring his response over your mouth as he keeps your foreheads pressed together, as his body's shifting, letting his limbs fold all around your form. One of his hands has tangled its fingers between yours. His other hand is resting against the side of your face, and he's rather valiantly resisting the urge to let his fingers chase the line of that jaw, or over your lips.

Maybe later.]

You're not the only one, you know.

[So please: stop thinking. Do continue. Hell, he'll even give you a bit of encouragement, in the form of letting the hand he had against yours slide over your thigh, angling up to snag its fingers oh-so-gently along the waistband of your pants.]

Edited 2014-04-02 08:41 (UTC)

[ The sound that escapes him is something you likely have never heard before: helpless, breathless, a failing attempt at keeping things under control.

( Sorry, Josh, not this time, apparently. )

Wrenching his gaze away from watching your hand now, mouth greedy for another kiss ( and another, and another still ) as his hips shift, because his pants feel tighter than they should be.

He is getting flashes of your hand moving over him, your fingers ( and he has, on that one occassion in class ) tracing the line of him.

Josh's eyes turn to yours then, searching those violet depths as he draws his knees up to cage you in place. ]

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