icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

Oh.

[A small, embarrassed laugh. He's tired, he realizes. Still not quite good, not quite stable, prone to fucking up a little. Sleep will have to be in order soon.

But first.]

If I do lose it. If you're certain that there's nothing left of me in here.

[Looking up now, and looking, quite certainly, like this means the world to him, even if it hurts:]

You'll run. Take anyone else you care about, turn your back on me, run, and not look back.

[ Brigade sets the favor he wants to ask aside. Then takes it back into his mind's hand. Coincidence that he was going to ask it? Maybe. Fate? The existence of beings like Setsuna Shinta have made him think the latter's possible. He clenches his fists. Unclenches them. Clenches them again. ]

Brother, respectfully: That's an order you're only going to give me when you've "gone off your rockers". And I already told you, that's the only time I won't listen. [ He pauses. Afraid he may have pushed too hard. His brother had just asked him moments ago not to. Not to make him break.]

[ He breathes in deep, so Hikaru can see, cause he can, what he's feeling. ] I'll make sure everyone's safe. I'll take everyone you care for and make sure they're safe. If they run back, I'll do my best to keep them all away so you don't wake up with their blood on your hands ever again. [ Brigade feels... hurt? He feels... he doesn't know. What do you feel when your brother asks you to abandon him. ]

Cause you're going to wake up. I know you are. There's always going to be something of you in there. I'm going to drag it out. Whatever it takes.

[ He thinks on the favor. He breathes in deep. Fate, huh? He remembers why he was built in WWII. He remembers his conversation about a month back with Father Aidan. Maybe this is the "good" he's meant to do in life. ] I was going to ask for you to go back with me to the Shrine of the Zangyaku Initiation. I was going to ask you to let me fight you every fortnight, till I can hit you. Then till I can beat you. [ It was just supposed to be for fulfillment. Now it seemed (if Hikaru granted it) it would be preparation. ]

I can't promise I'll ever turn my back on you. We... our type... we only have each other, Brother Weapon.

Edited 2014-02-09 16:01 (UTC)

[The subtlety of his gestures betrays just how much this is fucking him up. Outside of the many things he could be saying and could be feeling, he's turning away with a quiet (shaky) sigh.]

It was worth a shot.

[He feels the need to apologize now, because he knows that this conversation has gotten under Brig's skin. Should he? He should, right?

(Your concern for this one is touching.)

Shut up.]

I'm sorry. I wish I could give you a straight answer now, but I'll... I'll have to think about your favor.

[Could he afford to let this one join the long line of fucking stubborn idiots whom he viewed as family? That line of people who were so ready - so willing - to catch him when he fell, and continued to believe in him no matter what?

(Because it was always going to be the same. He was always going to end up losing them in the end.)]

[ Brigade feels terrible as he watches Hikaru shake his head. He doesn't know if he wants to shout at him, kick him, or hug him. Instead, he let's his honesty flow out, hoping that his tact will be equal to it proportionally. Or that Hikaru will understand the meaning behind his words. ]

Dr. Eisenstein, my maker, lived a godforsaken long time, brother. I'm guessing I'll live around that long as well, god-willing. Who knows, I might make it long enough till the world churns out another idiot like me to take my place.

[ Brigade pauses and tries to stop the words from spilling out. They do anyway ] I'm not going to die like Akihiko [ He was a good man and an incomparable father ] did, brother. [ He hopes he knows where he's going with this ] I'm not going to let you kill me and make me another sob story.

[ Brigade smiles. He's not angry. Not anymore. He can't hate Hikaru when he understands where this must all be coming from ]
Cause if I do, how am I going to hit you, and drink with you, and break your bad habits? [ He hugs Hikaru tight with one arm, tucking his head into his neck. ] Don't worry, I won't tell anybody you've got skin like a girl who's never done any manual labor [ Brig chuckles softly ]

Edited 2014-02-09 16:40 (UTC)

[What the hell was with Brig and being so easy and military with his affections? What the fuck was with the plain out, simple honesty that he hasn't seen since Wolf's Choice/Rockin' Rollas/the Pack?

He's drawing a sharp breath and tensing up, all in an effort to Not Fucking Break. Then Brig throws out that last line, and while all of it still hurts, at least that part is funny, funny enough to make him chuckle.]

Fuck you. Next time you come to me for drinks, I'm going to make sure that it stays about you and never gets close to being about me.

[Because there's going to be a next time. Because maybe, for the moment, he's all right with keeping Brig close.]

Edited 2014-02-09 16:58 (UTC)

[ Brigade lets Hikaru go, and smiles ] Good luck. [ He laughs ]

I'll make it easy for you and do something stupid so that you can get a laugh at my expense for the whole night. I might just find a way to call your mother, and crash and burn terribly, so you can bury me in all the beer I'm going to drink. [ He laughs again ]

It really was about me, you know? This visit. I felt like such an idiot, asking your mother if I could drink with her all those nights. [ He downs his bottle, gets another two, tosses one to Hikaru with a whole lemon (he can slice it for himself), and sits himself back down on the couch. ]

Got any old Disney films? I think we should review Frozen for when we force Yulia to sit through it. [ Looks like it was going to be a long morning of drinking ]

Edited 2014-02-09 17:05 (UTC)

[Using this time to let Brig's words wash over him while he tries to stand on his own metaphorical feet. It mostly involves taking the bottle and the lemon, considering it for a bit, then putting both down in favor of running a hand through his own hair then going for a cigarette.

Goddamn.]

So that's still on, huh? [Tiny smile, mostly apologetic.] Maybe next time. I should probably go to bed soon.

Just lemme finish this? [ Brig asks. Reminded of the time he had the balls to tell an Oni-Tsukai, "Can I just finish this?". Now he was playing big brother to that stupid 16-year-old in the Philippines who brought him and Saitou Oyama together. That stupid 16-year-old who only grew 5 years in the span of a century. ] I'll clean up and be out of your hair in a jiffy.

[ Brig doesn't look at Hikaru. He doesn't want to. He's having this drink as much as he loves Corona as he needs to calm his nerves. ] Hit the sack. You've had a long day, man.

Edited 2014-02-09 17:22 (UTC)

It's okay. I can wait.

[And he really doesn't mind. It's just one beer, and. Well. Friends. This was how friends did it.

Eighteen years out there, not being himself but Himself? Maybe he had ended up forgetting that. No wonder many of the members of Those Three Blades were always going down hard on him, among others.

He had a lot of people to apologize to, it seemed.]

003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

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