icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ The sound he lets out is something caught between a laugh and a sob and he shakes his head, letting it roll back so his gaze is fixed on the ceiling. ]

I think I freaked him out.

[ It's not even that he's attracted to Rethe... is he? Shit, no. He's pretty sure it wasn't that -- but what the hell does he know at this point, right?

He's thinking back to his day now, to that late lunch; to being left to his own devices among the veterans of Rhiannon and putting the things he'd started picking up from Gabriel to practice. His mentor had asked him before if he was single, had he been with anyone before, was he straight, was he sure about that -- because all these things would come into play when he dealt with people as a staff under Human Resources. ]

Even if you did, try not to worry about it too much. Rethe's a good kid, and I'm sure that he knew that you weren't really being yourself back there.

[As things stood, Hikaru had a whole lot of stories and points close at hand just in case Josh refused to believe him. Barring that, though, he's also thinking on everything that has happened as of late, and what he's noticed of Josh's behavior.]

What Gabriel's asking you to do is really getting to you, huh?

[ There's a bit of a wince. ]

I still don't know how I'm going to face him after that. [ Or Father Aidan for that matter, he adds quietly to himself.

When Hikaru comments that last bit, the laugh that escapes him is a wheeze. ] I think alcohol makes me talk more than I usually do and with less of a filter, so I'm going to be honest and upfront when I say that I'm not sure how to answer that question without sounding like an ingrate for everything that man's done for me of late.

[ He reaches for the coffee at this point, takes a sip and ignores the burn in his throat. It's bearable. He'll live. ] It's felt good, you know. Having a sense of direction again.

I... [ he presses teeth down on his lower lip, lidts the cup again. ] I haven't had that in a while.

Heh.

[It's a quiet sound, topped with a quiet little smile as he's fiddling with his coffee cup.]

I can relate to that.

[Taking another drag, putting it out, lighting up.]

One step at a time, eh? Having a direction is one thing... sticking with it is another. But you're in the clear in that area, so.

[Present tense. This doesn't have to be any harder than it already is, and Hikaru's pretty sure that it'll all work out.]

[ He looks at Hikaru for a while after that, before finally turning away, lips pressed together, a sigh exhaled; and then, tongue in cheek, as he pats his pockets for the nearly empty pack of cigarettes that he stares at for a full thirty seconds.

With a sigh, he pulls out a stick.

After a long drag and the following exhale, Josh laughs, quietly. ]

[And, since Josh isn't talking, and he isn't about to be intrusive...

Lifting an eyebrow in your direction.

What's up?]

[ A shake of the head, another puff. ]

Was just thinking on what you said. Sticking to things, [ when he looks up, a thoughtful, if worried look on his face. ] I can.

But am not sure who... I'm going to be if I go on as I am.

Somebody else, and if you decide that you don't like that, you can change things up again. It's as simple as that.

[Change was change, It wasn't good, it wasn't bad. It just was.]

[ Tongue in cheek again. Thoughtful, again. ]

As easy as that.

I didn't say 'easy'. I said 'simple'.

[Smiling a little as he finishes his coffee.]

And it's never one big thing. It's always, always a process. Doing by learning, learning by doing, so on, so forth.

[ The words echo something from what feels like so long ago, the sun setting behind the college buildings, the shadows stretching over the field as he slumped back against the bleachers, Greg Emil joining him.

People think bench warmers are just there as a reserve. I don't think like that, and honestly, neither do Coach Matt and Pa. That's why you kids join us in the runs and the drills and in the locker room.

Watch the team, learn the playbook, strategize where our plays have loopholes -- and then bring your A-game. Or your B-game if you're not on that level just yet. You only get better with practice. The glass ceiling is meant to be broken through. ]

"Play your game. And when you can't, make it yours anyway."

[ He reaches for the coffee again, sips. It's cooled, significantly, but that's alright. ]

Exactly.

[Well, Josh seems to be on the road to recovery. Which means...

Now it's Hikaru's turn to chuckle, and give Josh a look that he might be familiar with. You know. The look the Blade King gets when he's interested in something, and - heaven forbid - finds it so very amusing.]

[ He'd probably react to that -- if he was paying attention. As it is, he's focused on his half-drunk coffee, brain a little less fuzzy and tongue a little more under control.

He shuts his eyes, pushing his thoughts away from the way his mind is knitting nostalgia to the exchange from earlier on; the lights, the shadows, Selene at the booth, him opening up to Rethe about Shin Yamatai and feeling like here was a safe place to just verbalize. And now, unconsciously catching his top lip with his teeth, and then letting that go as he nibbles on the bottom one.

What in hell was he thinking.

And of course, mind zoning in on that word and it's associations to... yep, that is a flush creeping up the back of his neck again. ]

[Mm-hm. Watching all of that.

All of it.

He should probably stop smiling now.]

You are so dangerous right now.

[ Snapping to attention now. ]

...W-what?

[ Dangerous? Why on earth-- ]

Oh, you know... getting yourself all fucked up and defenseless over kissing a guy, showing up looking like a broken puppy on my doorstep, being honest...

[Chin in hand now. The look he has on his face? Exactly You are so cute, Josh.]

If I was any less of a man, this little conversation between us would have ended in a very different fashion at least several times back now.

[ This is a stare. An incredulous one.

One that goes oh, c'mon, man. ]

No.

Edited 2014-02-12 08:47 (UTC)

Which I could easily turn into a yes, if I wanted to.

[Hee.]

Not gonna lie to you, Josh. You're very attractive.

[ Why you gotta do that, man. ]

Please, no?

[ And yet, at the back of his head, Gabriel's words. ]

[He can read you like a book, Joshua LaRue.]

And yet, you're thinking about it.

[Leaning back now; his arms were already stretched out across the top of the couch. Now his right hand is moving towards his lips, half-disguising that tiny little smile on his face.]

[ And this is Josh's jaw working a little as he turns away to light another cigarette. ]

Now that's just you being a dick about this whole thing.

Edited 2014-02-12 17:45 (UTC)

[Chuckling, because nope, he can't deny that.

Seriously, though...]

I'm not going to do anything that you don't want me to. We're friends. [A beat.] And no one's going to know about this. I promise.

[ Quiet, unable to look over. And fairly sure the back of his neck is pretty flushed.

When Hikaru comments though, about not breathing a word of this to anyone, Josh's shoulders droop. ]

I don't know what got into me.

And there's no way that you'll be able to figure it out in one night.

[Leaning forward, looking at him with genuine concern.]

So don't try.

[Saying that firmly.]

[ A nod; taking those.words to heart.

And looking a little lost because-- ]

Bad habit of mine: whenever I find myself in the middle of a problem, it sticks to me until I figure it out. From all possible angles.

003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

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