icarusalsoflew | eudio

[ He'd love to believe you, but it's so hard, not when it seems as though all it takes is for a month to pass - maybe two - before something new happens and it's on him. ]

I... I just...

[ He should let go, shouldn't he. Just bend and break and change things around so that he doesn't keep screwing things up. ]

Maybe this was a bad idea.

[ Maybe he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, or even considered the possibility. Maybe he should have just done here what he always does in the Fifth World: cut away whatever he can do without if it means making it better for the people around him. ]

Hey, [ he's catching your chin and peering over so he can look you straight in the eye, thumb ghosts over your bottom lip, ] There's no bad or good in this, babe.

[ His hands are gentle as he takes your back in them. ]

You have a beautiful heart that can love so many. And if I can accept that and be perfectly fine with you loving others as much as me?

[ He wasn't about to stand by and watch you compromise everything that you are. ]

But what if this means that we won't be able to be with her?

[ And she matters to him. She matters a hell fucking lot, especially since the last person that they could have had something with ended up going home. Besides, outside of that there was also the fact that she was one of their dearest friends in Eudio. Had he screwed that up for them too? ]

I should have just...

[ He should have just let it go. ]

[ He's going to hate being the one to call the facts as they are, but he's not going to sugarcoat things or dress them up nicely and pretend that shortchanging your wants and needs. He's selfish that way, sue him.

Framing your face again in his hands and leaning in close as he speaks soft and quiet in the air between you both. ]

It wouldn't be worth it, babe. [ He's sorry. He's so sorry he has to be the one to tell you this, but someone has to keep their head above water lest everything else sink. ] You would have been unhappy and if Mae is half the girl I believe she is after all these months of friendship together -- she wouldn't be happy either.

[ It's a long shot to assume, but it's a risk he's willing to take. ]

Say I didn't speak up, say we both compromised. She's a smart girl with eyes and she won't be blind to seeing you the way I do, Hikaru. She'll see it, when you fall for others even if you pull back the moment you feel it.

[ Please, please, hear him out. ]

It's better this way. If she decides it's not worth it, that's her loss, not ours. Does this stop you from loving her? No. Has it ever stopped you from loving everyone you've ever had feelings for? No.

The only difference is that the door is still open but it's not up to us anymore to walk through it. It's up to her.

[ Your steadiness and your simple ability to just make everything better both through what you say and all of the little things that make you what you are for him (your warmth, your smell, the precise weight and feel of your hands, the sound of your voice) will never cease to amaze him.

Watching you a moment longer after you finish, and then just letting out a shaky sigh. He's also pulling himself in closer, to bury his face into your neck. ]

You're right. I... I guess I just need some time to accept that.

[ And deal with the hurt, the wondering. ]

[ And here he is, curling around you and keeping you close, a weighted breath leaving him as he steels his heart and buries deep his own disappointment that this whole exercise turned out to have a drawback he hadn't accounted for. ]

Take all the time you need. [ He presses his nose into the crook of your neck, arms tightening in an instinctive gesture that says fall apart if you have to, I'm here, I always will be for as long as I can. His voice is rough with emotion and hushed with the need to be your rock and your shelter, come what may. ] We have that here, time.

[ Call him selfish, but if he can milk Eudio for everything it's worth, he will. Here's a space and a world removed from your own, where you two can just be for once, without the press and demands of the Vigil you'd both temporarily left behind. ]

eudio > ic inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject