icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ He didn't see you approach. One minute you were there across the room and the next you're so close it's a little hard to breathe.

He's looking at those violet eyes of yours, trying to get an idea of what it is you're thinking because he doesn't have a baseline for your behavior anymore and he's beginning to wonder if he ever did.

It's a childish thing to say, but he says it anyway, because he really fucking doesn't know anymore. ] Do you even want me around or not? Because if you do, I can't play these mind games. I hate being treated like a kid. I am tired of people making decisions for me.

[ A breath. A tired one. ] I don't want another Annie. [ He hopes you get what he actually means: I don't want to miss out anymore, just because someone else decided it was better that way. ]

[He's listening to all of that, and not doing anything but move in just a little bit closer and keep his eyes right on you.

Yeah, he... he probably should have known better, huh? Perhaps he had been frightened by how easily the two of you could connect, how safe you could make him feel, and how much he had come to trust you. That always throws the Blade King left of center, and often resulted in the worst possible outcomes.

His voice, when he speaks, is steadier now, and full of sincerity.]

I'm sorry, Josh. That was really stupid of me, and I know now that I should have trusted you more.

[And, how does he say this next part...?

Actually.

No words, then. He's just going to move in, still with that deliberate care, and kiss you. It's soft, chaste, coaxing, and incredibly gentle.

He's so fucking scared of losing you, and maybe he's also rather tired of missing out or losing or simply not getting what he wants regardless of what he does. This entire exercise has been nerve-wracking and worrisome and he still doesn't know if this is even the right choice to make, but he's certain of three things:

1.) He screwed up.
2.) He has to find some way of making it better.
3.) He really, really wants this.

If Josh won't have him after this because of what he's done, then perhaps that's just what he deserves. He'll think on it later, though: he has to try.]

Edited 2014-03-09 21:24 (UTC)

[ The kiss throws him at first -- and mostly because after all of that it's... the last thing he expects. But then those are your lips on his, soft and sweet and flooding him with relief.

He has no clue how to do this. He has no idea what this makes him. But the truth? He kind of doesn't care. Because if you find the person that fits -- Rethe and Aidan, Gabriel and Kyoya, Jill and Mia --it's more than enough right?

So yes, Hikaru Shinta. This is Joshua LaRue kissing you back, albeit shy and tentative and clearly reined in because he has... actually. Hm.

Pulling back a little and ducking his head as he looks away, that nape of his flushed again. ] Um.

Edited 2014-03-10 03:10 (UTC)

[Have a tiny smile in your direction, topped with Hikaru leaning in to press his forehead against yours. The words he speaks next are soft and hopeful: this is him laying his heart out to you, right now.]

Is that enough of an "I want you to stay"?

[Maybe they could work out everything else later. He really hoped that they could, because there's still a large part of him that can't quite believe that this is happening and another part of him that is so certain that he's going to fuck this up.]

[ A wordless nod. A really hesitant smile because he's feeling a little off-balance, and his heart is still hammering in his chest. But this is good, right? They're okay? They've... sort of talked?

If he can't meet your eyes just yet, it's because it feels like he's not quite sure of the ground beneath his feet. It's not you. Thinking about you settles him. It's everything else...

Hands coming up to cover his face now. ]

[And he's letting his hand drop, moving it, instead, to your hip. The other hand is doing the same thing.]

Come on. We should probably sit down.

[He will proceed to lead you gently to the bed if you don't respond in like, a minute.]

[ And then he just starts laughing.

( Kuzunoha you better be keeping that sound-proofing in place. )

Leaning back against the wall now, one hand coming up to touch his lips because, wow. This is going to be.

Yeah, Josh is definitely laughing and looking at you with that familiar look of I've just had a realization and I want to share it because it might make you laugh?

He's not tense anymore. His body language is utterly, undeniably relaxed. As for the look in his eyes when he's looming at you... it's mind of hard to miss how happy he is. ]

Edited 2014-03-10 04:20 (UTC)

[Okay. Not quite the reaction he had been expecting. But it looked like a good thing? Maybe...?]

What's so funny?

[ Sinking to the floor now, eyes still fixed on yours, the look in them suddenly as helpless as it is happy. ]

Class.

On Wednesday.

[ You know. Lit13. The one you happen to teach? ]

[Oh.

Oh right.

How did he forget about that?

Chuckling as well, as he's crouching down in front of you. (It's incredibly hard to resist the urge to reach out and touch you again, by the way.)]

I'll try not to be too distracted by you.

[He's... not sure how Josh is going to take that. Probably well? Hopefully well?

Excuse him, he's still in shock at how - well, no, it wasn't easy, but he wasn't expecting anything good to happen at all.]

[ Odd isn't it. This somewhat feels like déjà vu. ]

The problem isn't you, remember?

[ Funny how, in hindsight, that exchange of theirs sounds so loaded now, given how things turned out.

He drops his gaze, reaches tentatively for Hikaru's hand and slips his fingers through the other man's.

Chuckling now. ] How does that even work? I have a thing for my hot, younger teacher.

[ Yes. That is an admission that he does find you attractive. Has, for awhile now, but just couldn't admit it. ]

Edited 2014-03-10 07:14 (UTC)

[Letting you do that, of course, without a lick of hesitation.]

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

[You did say that you wanted him to treat you like an adult, right? Take responsibility.

Also, lightly tugging at that hand.]

The bed's more comfortable, you know.

I know, [ his eyes glancing away for a second before he pushes himself off the floor and letting you lead him over.

He hesitates before sitting down, but he does. And his hand hasn't let go of yours. ]

[This one doesn't seem to mind (although Mitsuru seems to: the kitten mewls once, and hops off after one anxious turn around the both of you). As things stand, he's letting you do that and using his free hand to set his cigarettes and the ashtray down on the floor, easily accessible to you both. It's one of the perks of having a low bed.

Since he's keeping himself busy with that, he's pretty quiet. Also seems rather focused in. Well. Suddenly having to play host to somebody in his room at an unholy hour of the morning.

Let's not think about the warmth of that palm, or the lingering memory of those two kisses, eh?]

[ Let it be said that the silence is making him just a little nervous. It's not that he's uncomfortable with it, more that weighted silences have never been part of your regular exchange. Either you or him always had something witty to say, but the moment doesn't seem to call for that -- and to be honest, he's just at a loss because huh.

So this is going to be a thing? Maybe?

That is his thumb doing absent, quiet circles over the side of your hand then. Because really, this one is speechless and unlike you, he has no reservations thinking about those two kisses.

He's thinking about them right now. Maybe that's why his ears are pink? ]

[Yeah, that's just a little hard to ignore. A little.

Okay. More like next to impossible.

Inevitably, of course, he's run out of things to do. That means that he's finally turning in your direction. You're both sitting pretty close together, close enough for your knees to touch if one of you so much as shifted.

That isn't the only thing that's distracting him. He really ought to be more disciplined about not staring at your lips first, before your eyes, or anything else for that matter.

Trying to cover that up now.]

Sorry about earlier. I really hope you're feeling better.

[Well, no shit, Blade King. He must be, right? What a dumb thing to say.]

[ Looking over at that, quiet at first and then smiling shyly: ]

I am.

[ Leaning over--

--and then chickening out and going for that pack of cigarettes instead. Because. This is hard, okay. He has literally no point of reference for this sort of thing. ]

[Right. Clearly he has to be a little more... was 'aggressive' the word for it? That was exaggerating it a bit. Either way, it is kind of cute, and did make him wonder why he was even hesitating in the first place. Cute enough, at any rate, to have Hikaru watching you with a smile for just a heartbeat before he's reaching out with his other hand, tilting your chin up and leaning in.

Unlike you, LaRue, he doesn't chicken out. Have another slow kiss, and this time there's the barest hint of tongue.]

[ He'd be lying if he said that he wasn't hoping for that. Josh would have leaned in for the kiss himself, but like previously said, he has no reference point for anything like this. Back before he even had any idea that he would end up a Sin-Eater ( or that his mother was a Technomancer on the run from TFV ) he'd been too focused on getting his football career off the ground, raising Cindy and looking out for his dad.

It wasn't that he hadn't been interested in people, it just felt like there wasn't time for that, and most of the girls at college had always seemed to wait on him, or anyone dragged into a group date would back off after it became clear that his family came first, his game second -- and really, his end-goal was for Cinds and Dad anyway -- his boys and finishing school a very close third and everything else came after all that.

Annie Finnick had been the odd exception, their friendship something that fell naturally into place after he'd talked her back from that rooftop ledge; and they'd had individual goals to see to first anyway so whatever time they'd had together was often brief and never demanded anything from each other.

He supposes that he'd pictured things falling into place somehow, at the time it had felt likenthere would be time, but then he'd gotten sick and well, the rest was pretty much history.

When Hikaru's fingers catch his chin, he just goes with the flow. They've already kissed twice -- the first, broken off because okay, that had been rushed on his part, impulse, really, and the other man had been surprised. As for the second, Josh had seen it coming, but he'd been unprepared, given the lead up into the moment, high emotions and all.

This time, he's a little bit more prepared, meeting the Blade King halfway as he straightens up.

And then there's that hint of tongue and his brain kind of just... fizzles out.

Yep. That is most definitely a hitch in his breath as his lips part in surprise, one hand latching onto the sheets of the bed while the other just... sort of grasps at thin air. ]

[That reaction earns you a quiet laugh right against your lips, and a pair of violet eyes - light and narrow with amusement - fixing on your face before he's kissing you the same way all over again. He focuses, of course, on easing you into it, into showing that yes, this could be fun, and yes, you are more than welcome to follow his pace or try to set a new one for the both of you.

His free hand is crawling across the mattress, and eventually coming to a stop right over the hand that you have on the sheets. The fingers he had on your chin have migrated, ghosting over your cheek, slipping into your hair. Both movements let him come in a little closer.

In related news, he is realizing just how much he likes your taste. It's all he could do to not deepen the gesture. No need to go too fast, right? ...Right?]

[ And he's shifting closer right back because now that he's getting some sense of the rhythm you've set, he doesn't feel like he's going to fumble around too much. So yes, his other hand has finally found a comfortable place at your knee, and he is leaning in, bridging the space between you both because as near as you two are, you still feel really far away.

On the mattress, he's twining his fingers tentatively with yours because the taste of you is making him a little light-headed and he needs something to hold onto still. ]

[It's only after he notes all of that down that he deepens the way he's kissing you. Whenever he breaks away for air, his breath is short: he's no longer looking at you. Closing his eyes gives him more to go around, because the truth of it is, his thoughts have been far too full of you lately.

What little distance there remains between the two of you is starting to feel like way too much. There are many possible solutions to this, but he wants to wait on some sort of signal from your end. You are, after all, just gaining your bearings.

But hell: you smell glorious, you taste wonderful, and you look so damned fine it's starting to cut straight to the gut for him.]

[ Well, since you keep on coming up for air, what else is a guy to do but follow, right?

He's not slow on the uptake, this one, and the pressure of your mouth on his is a welcome feeling; so Josh does chase those lips, shifts closer, the hand on that knee now migrating to your waist, fingers curling on your shirt because dammit, Hikaru, please, quit pulling back. ]

[And that's the only real signal he needed.

There's a simple solution to this persistent problem of distance: it involves him breaking away and worrying at your bottom lip just so with his teeth, and then matter-of-factly lifting himself right unto your lap. Then he's reaching up to hold your face in his hands and going back to kissing you all over again.

You may notice, now that his weight is on you and both of your limbs and your bodies are shifting together/against each other, that he's trembling just a little bit. That is from the fact that the feel of your hands on him is making his mind go down all sorts of interesting places, and his proximity to you isn't helping. It is also from the sheer amount of effort it takes for him to hold back and focus on doing nothing else but this.]

Edited 2014-03-10 17:09 (UTC)

[ There is an interesting sound that leaves Josh at this point: it's somewhere between a sharp intake of breath and the following exhale that hitches with a soft hum coming from deep in his chest. When his lips part in response to your worrying at his bottom lip, he feels the tug of gravity -- partly because your weight on him takes him by surprise, and partly because the presence of you sets him off-balance in a way that just feels natural.

Hands now coming to your waist, skimming around your back because he needs something to hold onto and because he can feel the tremors going through you and his first thought is to wonder if you're okay.

You feel tense, and the instinct is to press the weight of his palms along where that tension is most obvious -- right beneath your shoulderblades and along the small of your back. ]

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