icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ He listens to you lighting up a cigarette, turns around and just watches for a bit and then lets his eyes fall to the tiny kitten curling up on the Blade King's lap.

He's remembering then, who bought that cat, how he'd actually texted Brianna without even thinking twice good job, bribri when Hikaruhad let him know that he'd just acquired a pet.

And then he's remembering yesterday. And lying straight to Brianna's face. And feeling terrible for putting it out of his mind as soon as he'd seen Hikaru sitting in that couch, a hand of greeting lifted his way.

Turning away now, looking down at his hands.

He looks like he's tryung to figure out how to say something -- and the something looks pretty hard to say. ]

[Since he's close enough, he's reaching out to hold your hand and leaning in, pinning you with a concerned look.

No words just yet. He's noticed that you've been looking at the kitten, and it probably has nothing to do with the fact that Mitsuru's the reason why the both of you still have clothes on.]

[ His head snaps around at that, as if he was suddenly surprised by your touch, and there's a look on his face that looks like a mix of "oh," and "well, shit," before he finally lifts his eyes to your face.

Josh shifts then, reaches over and catches you by the nape of your neck to draw you close, even as he bridges the distance between you and him.

The kiss is firm, open-mouthed and seems to swing between completely focused on just you, but also holding the tiniest bit back, like he's sure that it's you he wants to be kissing but he isn't entirely sure if he's allowed.

And yes, he is definitely being careful around that cat, because as soon as it paws gently at the arm that he has braced on the sheets by your knee, he breaks off, sighs and pulls back. ]

Sorry. [ Looking away now. Wow, this is hard. ]

[The sigh he lets out is half-fond and half-exasperated.]

It's okay.

[Those are some pretty interesting reactions to his kitten, by the way.]

Are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or should I try to guess?

Edited 2014-03-11 18:05 (UTC)

[ He hangs his head at that, bites down a little on his lower lip. ]

I lied right to Brianna's face yesterday.

[ The admission comes out soft, low and a little rough.

He sighs and looks away towards the wall separating your room from his, quietly wondering what it was that Makoto never got to say. They had been mid-conversation when he'd had his little revelation about you.

A pained smile. ] While I was... I texting you. She asked who it was I was messaging.

I told her that it was Pippa and August.

[ Looking back to you now. ]

I just really wanted to see you.

Edited 2014-03-11 18:13 (UTC)

[Have a tiny frown at that. He takes a drag from his cigarette before saying anything, though.]

So the two of you were talking about...?

[There had to be some sort of lead-in, and he could guess at the possibilities already. It was almost as if Josh was afraid that if he HAD told the truth, Brianna would have a problem with the Sin-Eater seeing him.]

[ A shake of the head before he scrubs his hands over his face; eyes shut, a crease between his brows.

When he speaks again, it's as if talking about this makes him nervous. Because he kind of really is. ]

I've been off-balance around you since Seigi. Even before... [ thinking back now to the way he'd tried to talk to you once Jessie was safe, and the juvenile action of taking away your cigarettes because you kept on dodging.

He's seen you enough times in moments when you'd been out of sorts to know that when you can't light your cigarette without clicking that lighter thrice... it's pretty bad.

But it had thrown him, you see. You suddenly avoiding him as if that brief moment at the Faura smocket and the drive to Falner hadn't seen the two of you good. ]

It just threw me. [ Gaze back now to his hands, and he's remembering how it had felt to hold you; to touch you. ] I thought we were good. And for some reason, I look away and we weren't. And that hurt because on top of worrying about Jessie... I couldn't even talk to you to ask what was wrong.

[ He falls quiet then. ]

So, I opened up to her about it. [ From your view, there'sa shift of something in his eyes. A shuttering, even before he closes them and turns his face away. ]

She said there's no such thing as a perfect friendship.

[ The way Josh is saying that for the second time tonight makes it clear that the statement had cut right to the core of him. ]

I'm not saying that... our... you know. That this is perfect but... [ he trails off. ]

Edited 2014-03-11 18:31 (UTC)

[Perhaps it went without saying that he had been avoiding you that entire time because he had just recently had to deal with the fact that he had fallen in love with you.

He doesn't say anything until Josh is finished, but he reach out and cover one of your hands with his own. He's looking rather thoughtful now, though. By that point in the past, he would have confided in Brianna already. That meant, of course, that she had said that to Josh with the full knowledge that her adopted father had feelings for the Sin-Eater.

Maybe they could touch upon that later.]

It's a fact that no relationship's perfect. What really bothers you about what she said?

[ He covers his face with one hand, even as the fingers of the one you've curled your fingers around is holding on pretty tight.

He doesn't even know. He knows that there isn't such a thing as a perfect friendship -- even before all this, it isn't like you two haven't butted heads. It's just that there hadn't been an instance where lines had to be drawn in the sand.

Like you know, South Korea. ]

I just felt like she was shutting the whole thing down. I don't... know why I thought that.

[ He's looking up again. But not at you, just some indeterminate point in the distance as he thinks on how it's hurt more keenly of late, the absence of you ( he'd masked his disappointment over you not being at his birthday fairly well, and he'd given you space because you looked like you needed it after that awkward talk outside of Balamb, he'd called you out on pulling back, and had thought it a shame that you were already looking with your eyes fixed towards a time when the Hounds, with the exception perhaps of Brianna and Brigade, would no longer be there. ) ]

[The quiet attempt on Hikaru's part to both reassure you and bring you out of whatever dark thoughts that you're starting to drown yourself in comes in the form of another kiss on your lips.

His words come soft in the next moment, as he's withdrawing.]

I'll be honest with you. [And fixing his gaze, without hesitation, to yours.] I ended up telling her how I felt about you. I wanted to make sure it came from me before someone else in the family caught on and ended up talking to her about it.

[She really is his daughter now, after all.]

I think she was saying that out of concern for the both of us.

[But it was an interesting choice of words on Brianna's part. At least it was in Hikaru's opinion.]

Edited 2014-03-11 18:59 (UTC)

[ When you draw back, there is a split second wherein he looks like he wants to follow. But he holds back, nods, as he absorbs all of that.

There's a crease between his brows again. In light of that information, because the awful feeling in the pit of his stomach that he'd shelved while spending that afternoon with Bri is back and he doesn't like how that feels.

His hands are shaking. He's curling his fingers because he doesn't want them to shake. ]

You're worried that she might not approve.

[It seemed like the logical conclusion to make, based on how their conversation had gone so far and the way you look.

Now he's going to cover both of your hands with his.]

[ And this is him starting at that, staring at your hands on his, and then slowly lifting his eyes to yours.

He remembers the first time he'd ever seen violet eyes. He'd been packing his things, staring down at the wooden box of random shit that he'd taken to collecting over the years since he crossed Yggdrasil's Roots, and had just wound up the beautiful music box that he'd picked up because once upon a time Cindy had wanted to try out ballet -- and then looked up to see Sara Shinta smiling at him.

It was her eyes, more than anything else, that had caught him.

Josh doesn't know what he feels. Love is far too intimidating a word at this point for him to actually process. But he knows that you matter a great, big deal, and he knows that he wants you in whatever way he can get you.

He leans forward then, face pressing into your side, just a little bit lower than where your heart is caged inside your ribs, arms wrapping around you and carefully including Mitsuru in that embrace.

He likes that cat, okay. He cares a lot about the girl who gave it to you. But it hurts that she'd known how you'd felt and said what she did, because she might not have meant it the way that now twists him up inside -- but that's it. It hurts. ]

I'm just going to say it. Honesty Hour and all.

[ Man, why the hell is he tearing up again. This is ridiculous. ]

I'm only ever going to get this one life, you know. [ He shifts one arm, gathers a squirming Mitsuru close and presses his nose behind the kitten's ear. ]

And it sucks because... I can see your clock. And that thing -- I've seen it drop. [ Hiding his face back in your side. ] But I'm good with whatever this is. If it's the only thing I'm ever going to get. At least... at least I had you, right?

[ He sounds painfully, painfully in need of reassurance. But asking is hard. He's a Brennan. They pull their own weight. ]

[He's simply moving, of course, to respond to you in kind: with a hand against the nape of your neck to anchor you in place, and an arm around you to keep you close.

The truth is hard to hear regardless of the fact that he has already thought about this in the context of their relationship and where it might end up taking them in the future. It is also hard to hear the way that you say it, because clearly, this is ruining you in small, subtle but significant ways.]

You're not the only one who can see clocks.

[That is said softly. It seems as though they were both going to only constantly and painfully aware of the fact that they were going to do this on incredibly limited time.]

You have me. [And again, because he wants to reassure you.] You do.

[That was likely going to be the case for a long, long time, and well past Josh's own death. That was the way the Blade King fell in love: he stayed in it no matter how short the actual relationship ended up being, or how bad it ever got.]

[ And perhaps it is that reminder that snaps him out of his funk, because it's been a little over a week since that conversation he had with you about one Aria Skye and all of that is still surprisingly fresh.

Josh pushes up now, hand catching Hikaru by the nape to draw him close, so that his brow rests against the other man's. ]

You don't ruin everything you touch. [ Because he knows your part in the lives of the members of those three blades, knows your part in the lives of the ones he calls his own: that village in Russia, the plane from Vancouver, and other little stories he knows are between yourself and Brianna and Kaz and Brig. ] You won't ruin me.

[ Yes. He's kissing you now again, more certain of the way he can move his mouth over yours. ]

Edited 2014-03-11 19:50 (UTC)

[It's a difficult for him to believe at this point (that he wasn't, somewhere down the line, going to end up breaking them apart somehow; that things were going to be okay), but your lips against his lips is something he takes a fair amount of relief in.

He's going to smile at you once the two of you have withdrawn, after he's relaxed once again against your body and drawn the breath from your lungs in order to take some air for himself. He's seen too much to really believe that that will be the case, but you haven't given him any reason to doubt your sincerity, nor - at least at this point - the depth of your feelings.]

So I guess that means that we're really going to do this.

Edited 2014-03-11 19:57 (UTC)

[ And the smile he returns is a little bit shy, because yeah, he is definitely in with this... he just has no clue how it works.

Funny, how he'd never pictured himself in a situation like this, but it works. It's kind of... you. ]

We are. [ Gentle circles again, with his thumb, over the hand he draws into his. ] I'm just going to apologize if I'm slow. On the uptake. [ Sheepish smile. ]

This is all new to me. But you've got me.

That's all I really need to hear. As things stand, you're a pretty fast learner.

[Because yeah, if it wasn't for Mitsuru... yeah.

Anyway.]

I'll talk to Brianna soon. [A beat.] What about the rest?

[He isn't just referring to the War Hounds.]

[ He looks at Hikaru for a long time, and then nods gratefully about the offer to speak with Brianna, because he's not sure how to go about doing it.

Reaching out to scratch Mitsuru behind the ears, he smiles quietly. ] Are you talking about my family?

[ Cindy will be easy. And once she's on board, he'll be able to figure out how to approach his father about it. ] I'll talk to Cindy and she and I can tag-team Dad. But I wouldn't worry too much about either of them. They're very open people.[ And because he can't resist, he drops a kiss on one of Hikaru's painted shoulders. ]

It's the Hounds that I want to take things slow with.

All right. I'll go with what you want.

[He goes quiet for a moment, looking thoughtful.]

I suppose I'll check in with you before I let anyone else know from my end of things. Although... [Sending Josh a rueful look.] Some of them ARE going to find out on their own.

[ Nodding, at that first part, and then flopping down on the bed beside the Blade King. ] I just want to take it slow. This is... kind of a big thing. [ Have a Look, and a smile, and his hand finding yours again--

--before the second part finally sinks in.

He looks, in a word, like he just swallowed something that's made him stop breathing. ]

[Have you ever seen the Blade King look this apologetic?

No. No, you haven't. It's not that he's never had such an expression on his face before, just this time...]

Sorry? [Um.] If it helps, I am pretty sure that no one's listening in or watching us right now.

[ He takes in a deep breath at that, scratches a little at the side of his nose and promptly takes Mitsuru from you to set the kitten on his chest.

Josh is quiet for a bit, as if finally remembering who your family is, how many they are and how... eclectic their personalities tend to be.

Kasumi. Tohru Fukuzawa.

Tala Vega ( wince ). Selene Vega. Eli Tagabigay.

Kalika Shinta ( shit ).

The list goes on for a while and when he looks like he's finally come to the end of that long list of individuals-- ]

Remember that night? After Kaz had us here. And I insisted on joining you for your Walk? [ Stroking Misturu now, feeling the vibrations from the kitten's purrs beneath his palm and over his heart. ]

[He'd be lying if he didn't say that Josh's silence was making him a little uncomfortable. So he's focusing on watching the way Mitsuru and Josh interact and on smoking, at least until Josh speaks up again.]

Yeah. What about it?

I spoke to Alistair right after we parted ways.

[ Looking back now, and reaching up to trace his index finger along the curve of jaw near Hikaru's ear. He's smiling quietly. ]

He said you guys talked.

003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

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