icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[Super-hearing? Joshua LaRue, you have, indeed, left the building.

It's a good thing Hikaru's more than capable of carrying them both, opening that door, bringing the two of them inside, and nudging it shut with his foot before gently dragging Josh over to the couch.]

There you go. Now stay where you are while I fix some coffee for your drunk ass.

[ He nods, wordlessly, his head falling back against the rest of the couch an a sigh leaving him before the gas comes back up and... ugh.

He rubs a hand over his face, the whole scene that went down at Haven on loop in his head: him and Rethe just laughing, easing up in each other's company the way he'd hoped they would -- friends, right? Wasn't that what Rethe said at his Initiation? More talking, him finally looking back on the Shin Yamatai issue with more fondness than embarrassment and then--

He looks up and tries to follow Hikaru's movements, but his head feels heavy and the couch is really, really... well, nice. ]

[And Hikaru is leaving Josh to his thoughts because making two good cups of Joe are pretty much essential right now.

That, and fetching a LOT of cigarette packs. This might take a while.

Coming back around once he's ready, and sitting in front of Josh. Sliding a cup in his direction across the table.]

Drink. Then talk.

[ He stares at the cup for a few heartbeats before he sits up and makes to reach for it before he curls his fingers away, pitching forward to hide his face in his hands.

He's like that for a bit, taking in deep breaths before he straights ( as much as he can? ) and exhales: ] I have no fucking idea what I'm doing anymore.

What happened?

[Watching everything closely, just as closely as he is listening.

...Also getting a cigarette. Yep.]

[ He exhales again and scrubs his hands over his face before he blinks and flops back against the cushions.

Wow. Tonight needs a do-over. ]

We were just talking and-- [ again, with a hand moving over his features ] I don't even think about--Jesusfuckingchrist.

[ He shuts his eyes. He knows he needs to tell someone but the one person he'd managed to open up to had ended up on the other side of... of this mess. ]

[...Okay...]

Who were you with?

[Really, who could it possibly be that would have Josh this messed up and this worried? Besides, wasn't it good that the kid was finally going out there?]

[ He... might... look a little sick.

Okay, really sick. To his gut. ]

I dropped by [ he swallows, and then softly: ] Haven.

Edited 2014-02-11 08:42 (UTC)

[...Uh-oh. Now Cisco's text makes more sense.

He should have figured. This wasn't the first time that this has happened. Rethe was... well. Rethe. Although, this is still a little surprising.]

Tell me how it went.

[ He rests a cheek on his fist, presses his lips together and tries to figure out where to even begin, byt he doesn't even know how talking and just having fun had turned into... ]

I got home from Rhiannon around midnight. It was too late for my usual routine and I'd had a glass of wine during the late lunch because, I mean, I was done for the day? And they offered and it was just one glass.

[ It was barely even one, just an inch at the bottom of the stemmed glass -- he forgets the exact term for it. ] When I got back here, I figured I'd go unwind a little.

[ He shuts his eyes and presses his face to his palm again. ]

[A part of him is starting to get just a little alarmed. It isn't what Josh is saying, per se; it was the way he kept stalling, and the way he looked.

Sipping his coffee now, saying nothing. Might as well wait for the next part.]

[ He's wondering if there's anything he could have done differently, wondering what the hell was going through his head when he leaned in and--

--he presses the heels of his palms into his eyes. ]

I kissed Rethe. I swear it wasn't anything I'd planned.

[Okay then. That statement is more than enough to get Hikaru to stare at Josh for a bit before putting his cup down.

This was tricky.]

I believe you. You wouldn't look or sound this miserable if you had any other intention. [A beat.] What happened next? Did he say anything? Do anything?

[ The sound he lets out is something caught between a laugh and a sob and he shakes his head, letting it roll back so his gaze is fixed on the ceiling. ]

I think I freaked him out.

[ It's not even that he's attracted to Rethe... is he? Shit, no. He's pretty sure it wasn't that -- but what the hell does he know at this point, right?

He's thinking back to his day now, to that late lunch; to being left to his own devices among the veterans of Rhiannon and putting the things he'd started picking up from Gabriel to practice. His mentor had asked him before if he was single, had he been with anyone before, was he straight, was he sure about that -- because all these things would come into play when he dealt with people as a staff under Human Resources. ]

Even if you did, try not to worry about it too much. Rethe's a good kid, and I'm sure that he knew that you weren't really being yourself back there.

[As things stood, Hikaru had a whole lot of stories and points close at hand just in case Josh refused to believe him. Barring that, though, he's also thinking on everything that has happened as of late, and what he's noticed of Josh's behavior.]

What Gabriel's asking you to do is really getting to you, huh?

[ There's a bit of a wince. ]

I still don't know how I'm going to face him after that. [ Or Father Aidan for that matter, he adds quietly to himself.

When Hikaru comments that last bit, the laugh that escapes him is a wheeze. ] I think alcohol makes me talk more than I usually do and with less of a filter, so I'm going to be honest and upfront when I say that I'm not sure how to answer that question without sounding like an ingrate for everything that man's done for me of late.

[ He reaches for the coffee at this point, takes a sip and ignores the burn in his throat. It's bearable. He'll live. ] It's felt good, you know. Having a sense of direction again.

I... [ he presses teeth down on his lower lip, lidts the cup again. ] I haven't had that in a while.

Heh.

[It's a quiet sound, topped with a quiet little smile as he's fiddling with his coffee cup.]

I can relate to that.

[Taking another drag, putting it out, lighting up.]

One step at a time, eh? Having a direction is one thing... sticking with it is another. But you're in the clear in that area, so.

[Present tense. This doesn't have to be any harder than it already is, and Hikaru's pretty sure that it'll all work out.]

[ He looks at Hikaru for a while after that, before finally turning away, lips pressed together, a sigh exhaled; and then, tongue in cheek, as he pats his pockets for the nearly empty pack of cigarettes that he stares at for a full thirty seconds.

With a sigh, he pulls out a stick.

After a long drag and the following exhale, Josh laughs, quietly. ]

[And, since Josh isn't talking, and he isn't about to be intrusive...

Lifting an eyebrow in your direction.

What's up?]

[ A shake of the head, another puff. ]

Was just thinking on what you said. Sticking to things, [ when he looks up, a thoughtful, if worried look on his face. ] I can.

But am not sure who... I'm going to be if I go on as I am.

Somebody else, and if you decide that you don't like that, you can change things up again. It's as simple as that.

[Change was change, It wasn't good, it wasn't bad. It just was.]

[ Tongue in cheek again. Thoughtful, again. ]

As easy as that.

I didn't say 'easy'. I said 'simple'.

[Smiling a little as he finishes his coffee.]

And it's never one big thing. It's always, always a process. Doing by learning, learning by doing, so on, so forth.

[ The words echo something from what feels like so long ago, the sun setting behind the college buildings, the shadows stretching over the field as he slumped back against the bleachers, Greg Emil joining him.

People think bench warmers are just there as a reserve. I don't think like that, and honestly, neither do Coach Matt and Pa. That's why you kids join us in the runs and the drills and in the locker room.

Watch the team, learn the playbook, strategize where our plays have loopholes -- and then bring your A-game. Or your B-game if you're not on that level just yet. You only get better with practice. The glass ceiling is meant to be broken through. ]

"Play your game. And when you can't, make it yours anyway."

[ He reaches for the coffee again, sips. It's cooled, significantly, but that's alright. ]

Exactly.

[Well, Josh seems to be on the road to recovery. Which means...

Now it's Hikaru's turn to chuckle, and give Josh a look that he might be familiar with. You know. The look the Blade King gets when he's interested in something, and - heaven forbid - finds it so very amusing.]

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