icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ And he's all too aware of the stillness that goes through you, of the fact that you haven't reached up to hold him back but he needs to hold onto you for just a little while longer.

You'd told him that 29 life cycles was hard, and he'd seen all that he could see months ago -- but yes, this is different. It is so much more different than just trying to figure you out and offer himself up as a friend without pushing because he knows you don't like being pushed.

Eventually though, Josh pulls back to study your face, one hand coming to catch your chin to turn your gaze to his. ]

Hey. Over here.

[ The look in his eyes is kind and sad, but there's no pity or anything of the like. ]

[He starts at the sound of your voice, but turns to face you nonetheless. Nearly a minute passes before his lips press together, and he swallows a breath that hitched a bit too much.]

I'm back.

[Soft, too soft. He's also gently pulling out of your grip and taking just one step back. His eyes are still a little wide, dark, and full of things that he can't quite put words to yet.]

[ He's letting you go because you look like you need it, because he doesn't know what he can say at this point. Does he apologize? He didn't go looking for the file, it was given. Does he tell you it's alright, even when he isn't sure how you'll take that?

Or maybe he should, throw caution to the wind. You haven't been acting like yourself, at least, not the you that he'd come to know since that first time he'd seen you sitting in the cockpit of that plane. ]

Tala left it for me.

[ Stepping back now, leaving your side yes, but retrieving that file and coming back quick enough, or so he hopes.

He's holding it out to you now, an apology written all over his features.

Please, don't be angry. ]

Ah. Of course.

[One thing Josh did not know was the fact that Tala Vega only ever gave such a thing to people whom she felt were worthy, people her father favored, people she could trust with his life. Somehow, this action on her part at this moment made everything - all of this - seem even more real than it already was.

Can you blame him for being frightened, even if it was coupled with the fact that he really, really wanted this? Granted, he's also a little freaked over how you've might have taken all of that information in, and the possible conclusions that you have made for yourself.

Smiling a little now, as he looks down at the folder in your hands.]

It's not mine to keep. It's yours now.

Edited 2014-03-30 12:19 (UTC)

[ It takes a while for that to sink in, and when it does, Josh is setting it aside and coming back to take both your hands in his. He moves a thumb across one hand's knuckles then and answers your smile with a small one of his own. ]

Duty go okay? [ He's going to start with that. The rest can come a little later. ]

[He's never been used to people who are so well-versed in easy (but meaningful?) acts of affection. That might be ironic, of course, given the fact that he's the type to dish that sort of thing out with the right company.

Moments like this, though, make him appreciate that sort of thing. You're very good at making him learn new things, it seems, right along with how you're good at helping him deal.]

Yeah. As well as it could, anyway.

[Squaring up his eyes to look up at yours, instead of following the way your hands have got his. Your fingers, they're warm against his skin.]

[ Nodding at that, the relief evident in the way his gaze softens as your eyes meet his before he steps close, bridging what little space there is between you two to press a kiss against your brow.

Make the most of the time you have, that's what his father had told him and he's going to take those words to heart.

Stepping back now and tugging you with him as he does: ] Let's go sit down.

Mm.

[He's letting you pull him over, and only lets go of your hand once he's properly inside his own room. Now he's taking some time out to strip down to just the tank top he was wearing underneath the mangeyko and the shirt he had on.

The boots come off later, once he's sunk down on one side of the bed. The accumulated fatigue from all of the activity, the emotion and the stress has left their marks on him.]

You didn't have to wait up for me.

[But thank you.]

No, but I wanted to.

[ He's settled close enough, but he does give you room to move. The look in his eyes however, does not match the casual tone of Josh's voice.

He's quietly debating whether to ask now or let the file lie. He has questions, but for the most part, that can wait. ]

[Catching that, and - after a moment's hesitance - reaching out to cover your hand with his.]

Say what you want to say.

[Telling you that softly, as he's going for his cigarettes.]

[ He's turning his palm up to thread fingers through your own at that, his free hand catching you by the cheek to turn your face back to his.

The kiss he slants over your lips is warm and slow; his eyes, you'll note, mostly stay open, the look in them so full of you, lids fluttering shut only briefly whenever he deepens the kiss.

You asked him to say whatever he wanted to say and because words are failing Josh now, this will have to do. ]

[That gesture bleeds out what little tension there was in Hikaru's body, and he responds with a gratefulness that he isn't able to properly express.

He breaks away first, but keeps his forehead against yours. He's smiling in what little distance there is between both of your mouths.]

That's a nice start.

[ And Josh is smiling back. It's nice to know that things seem to be getting better between you both. ]

We don't have to talk about... [ gaze sliding towards where he'd set the dossier down now, before he turns his eyes back to Hikaru's. ] But I'd like to. Eventually.

There's no better time than now, I suppose.

[There's no reluctance there, but there might be a little bit of resignation. He knows, though, that by sunrise? He's going to want to talk even less than he does now. He also wants to do what he can to make sure that he and Josh stay on the same page.

It's been hard, constantly missing each other. He's not sure whether he can take another hit right now, especially since it seems as though this one is one of the only things he has left to fall back on.]

[ And with that, he's shifting himself back towards the center of the bed and tugging you along with him.

Some conversations are best done when sitting down; others, are better left for positions that offer comfort. ] C'mere.

[ Reading that dossier had been much harder than he'd thought, given that he can still recall some of the things from the Arcanum. ]

[All of that brings the smile back on his face, and he quietly obeys by settling down right beside you, and. Well. Right up against your body.

Your smell is familiar to him, and is rapidly becoming a source of comfort in a crazy time like this. He's probably never going to tell you that, though. It'll be written in the way he stays close whenever you're both alone like this.]

It's a pretty long file, isn't it?

[ He's turning his head towards you at that, pressing his lips into your hair and shutting his eyes as he breathes you in. He's always been the kind of person that best expressed himself through touch and little gestures of affection and comfort.

He hums a low response. ] You've had a pretty long life.

[ Because he can't think about you dying. He won't. Not after the last couple of days, not if he doesn't have to. ]

[The way you've chosen to word your sentence makes him smile, and curl up a little closer against you in a remarkably feline fashion. Kalika did tell him, once, that he was more cat than wolf.]

Yeah. And it's barely begun, really.

Edited 2014-03-31 05:02 (UTC)

That works for me. [ Looking down at you now, marveling at how you just fit right up against him. ]

I'm sorry it's been so hard. [ Leaning in close and planting a quick kiss on the tip of your nose before he goes for your mouth. His hand has also come up, the thumb of that now tracing the line of your jaw. ]

It's also been pretty interesting, though.

[Saying that lightly and actually meaning it, after you're both done kissing and he's blinking up at you.]

Besides, if all of this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have been able to meet so many people, or do so much.

[ He's quiet for what feels like a long time, his gaze searching those violet eyes. There was a section in that dossier regarding distinguishing marks and while he'd noted the odd pattern beneath the montage across your back when he'd trailed kisses across it the other night, it had never occured to him to think it was anything other than art.

He's rolling onto his side now, bringing his body flush up against your own, a hand coming around to smooth down your spine, right over that transmutation circle. ]

I'll be selfish just this once and confess that if it weren't for this, I'd've probably never met you.

[ He licks his lips before he adds: ] You're not a freak. [ He means that. Down to his very bones. ] You're one of the most generous, kind, incredible and beautiful people I've ever met.

Edited 2014-03-31 06:22 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure that I can think of a good number of people who'd disagree with you on that.

[But his attempt at being witty falters a little, because it means a hell lot to hear you tell him this, even if it rebels against his deeply ingrained belief that really, he isn't necessary. He never was, never will be.]

[ And the tenderness in his eyes doesn't leave, even as something in those depths holds ground. ]

Well, whoever they are, they don't count. [ There's a gentle tug of a smile on the corner of his mouth. ] White noise, Hikaru. That's all they are.

[ What was it his mother had said--

Right.

Catching one of your hands now, passing a thumb over the lines crisscrossing on Hikaru's palm.

( How could a monster have such gentle hands? ) ]

Mom told me what you did. How you stayed and kept her company until she was more or less okay.

Anyone else would have let her be. But not you.

[ His eyes are a little misty now, and he's lifting your palm to his lips and pressing a kiss to the center of it. ] If you were unnecessary, I wouldn't have gotten her back. The world would have since gone to shit, and no one would be better off.

[ Honesty Hour. Because he needs you to hear all this. ] I stopped believing in a God that gave a shit after my mom left without a word. It helped a little when I got sick, easier to think that random, shitty things just happen because you draw the short straw.

But I'm not dead. I have my family and my boys back, I have a blade I would gladly lay myself on the line for, and people who I respect who seem to see something in me that I'm still wrapping my head around.

[ He's pinning you with an honest-to-Elaine look that shows his heart there in his eyes. ] You've had your hand in my life even before either of us ever met.

I don't believe in much by way of divine intervention, but it's a pretty sound defense for why you're relevant enough to exist.

[He's quiet throughout all of that, as he's fallen to watching your face, watching what you're doing, and absorbing the comforting weight of your presence.

It's amazing, really, the kind of effect that you have on him. He hasn't had something like this with anyone for such a long time.

This is how he thanks you for making him start to believe in that again: by shifting over, and giving you a soft and quiet kiss right on your mouth.]

I find, for once, that I can't really argue with you there.

[ That is earning you a smile from him, one filled with relief and gratefulness because he doesn't want to argue, doesn't want to be told there are holes in his logic -- just this once, he'd like to be right. ]

Good.

[ Wrapping his arms around you now and hiding his face in your chest so that he can effectively inhale your familiar scent and bask in your warmth. ]

003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

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