icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

[ And he's meeting that look of your with one of his own: that is his gaze fixed on your face, his lips in a neutral line as the cigarette in his hand burns away.

Josh looks, in a word, tired. ]

Talk to me.

[ No apologies, just conversation. Just you and him hashing out whatever the problem is. ]

I don't really know what to say.

[It's the truth, at least. Maybe it's coming out much easier than it should because he's absorbing the way you look, and the way you sound.]

I'm just... I'm just glad that you're still here.

[ This is Josh starting at that statement, brows drawing in together, lips parting in surprise because that statement makes no sense to him at all. ]

Of course, I'd still be here.

[ Give him a minute. Your logic doesn't quite compute to him. ]

Where else was I gonna go?

[He shakes his head, with a rueful and helpless little smile.]

I'm scared, I guess. I know you won't go. I do. Just...

[It just never works out, and there's never enough time, and sometimes - just sometimes - it's his fault.]

[ Those are both his eyebrows lifting at you, Hikaru Shinta. ]

...Just?

Just what?

[ He's killing that cigarette now. ]

[Well, the look on your face is making his own gaze flinch away from you. It's difficult, beating back the urge to apologize again.]

It just never works out for me, with anyone. And I really don't want to lose you. I don't... [Choking up a bit, and swallowing the lump in his throat before speaking again.] I don't think I can take it if you go.

[Of course, that will inevitably happen. You're going to go first. Everyone does.]

Edited 2014-03-31 12:09 (UTC)

[ His gaze is softening now, and though for a moment he does nothing but look at you, when he moves, he moves, finally coming over and catching your arm to pull you upright, protests ( if any ) be damned before he's pressing his lips to yours in a kiss that has all of his heart -- and all of that helplessness -- in it.

When he finally draws back, he's got his gaze fixed on yours, and his hand is still firm on your upper arm. ]

Don't go there. [ He honestly isn't sure if he's reading you right, but he thinks that given recent developments, not just with your father but with Aria Skye in that wheelchair, he's likely close enough. ] Don't think too far and forget that the rest of us are still here.

[ He says that deliberately. Because he can't think on himself gone just yet. Dying once was enough, and this second life has just started. ]

[But there's no protest at all from this one, although there is a little bit of surprise. Not responding, however, is impossible.

Your statement after the both of you break away, however, earns you a soft, rueful laugh.]

That's difficult to do.

[He's tried before. He really has.]

Try. [ Pinning you with a Look, Blade King. ]

It's a fact none of us can change but-- [ sitting back now, still focused on those violet eyes though ] --just try.

[You're terrible, by the way. And now you can watch him as his gaze turns inward just for one second before he's letting a small smile cross his lips and giving you a small nod.]

Okay.

[It's childish, really, how he wishes he could keep all of you with him. That's not how things work. He's more aware of that fact that he ever has been now.]

[ Josh is quiet as he watches that, watches you.

He tilts his head to one side though, after that response and lifts his eyebrows in question. ]

Whatcha thinking?

[And while there's a rueful noise and a small shake of his head at that, he still ends up answering you.]

It's a bad habit. One of the many, really.

[He has had 29 lifetimes to develop a lot of those.]

[ Nodding, getting that you'll likely need time. Calibrating on that. ]

No time like the present to break them then.

[ He bows his head a little, idly rubs the bridge of his nose with one finger.

He.... isn't sure what to say beyond that. ]

[That is fine, because he isn't too sure what to say in that direction either. Since this is apparently Honesty Hour, though, and he knows that he's in no state to even begin to try and hide more things from you:]

I had to go because it's hard to stay here. It's hard to think, you know. Hard to breathe.

[Looking away, to watch his own fingers as they're drawing idle circles on the sheets.]

Tohru -- [Cutting off for a moment there, swallowing.] My father's on that bed. And, if things had been different, that could have been Aria. But now it's him.

Edited 2014-03-31 16:20 (UTC)

[ Inquisitor Skye had mentioned as much, when the Hounds had arrived via port thanks to Eli Tagabigay.

The situation sucks. These are people who you both love. ]

This isn't something you want to hear, but I'm going to say it because I think you need to hear it.

[ He's watching your hands now. ]

Better Tohru than Aria. Your father's got a world of experience that she doesn't. He's been at this longer, and has a number of reasons to come out of that coma. [ Your mother, your siblings, you. ] He'll make it.

[ He said that earlier but it bears saying again: ] You have to trust in that. Faith isn't my strong suit, but I know one thing -- doubting Tohru's ability to pull through is a disservice to him not just as one of your strongest men, but as the man who raised you.

[ Softer now: ] Have a little faith?

Edited 2014-03-31 16:33 (UTC)

I know. Believe me when I say that I want to.

[Having faith is about the only thing he can afford to have with regard to this issue, lest it drive him completely crazy.

Letting out another laugh. It's short, rueful, and pained.]

It sucks, having all of this power. Situations like this make me feel like it's worth nothing.

[ He's reaching over now, tracing a finger along Hikaru's cheek. ]

It's not worth nothing.

[ And maybe it's selfish of him to think this because he'd been there, watching as that mushroom cloud erupted over the TFV base. He hadn't even been able to tell Makoto to pull them out -- the geist had been the one to prompt him. ]

And if you'd been there, that might be the both of you in the hospital. [ There's a note in Josh's voice as he whispers that. And he's deliberately keeping his eyes on the Blade King's face lest his gaze wander up to that clock above his head. ]

Edited 2014-03-31 18:16 (UTC)

Or I could have been able to do something.

[Even as he's saying that, though, he knows that it was pointless to think on it. As things were, it might just make this entire ordeal hurt even more if he kept dwelling on it, and at the moment? He couldn't handle any more pain.]

I hope he wakes up soon.

[Saying like that, perhaps, means that he will end up waking up. Right?]

He will.

[ He's no authority on healing. But it feels disrespectful to Tohru to think that the mage won't come out of this. ]

And it'll be interesting to see what he thinks of Wiseman Tagabigay taking on his spot.

[That's making him smile a little, because he can already hear what Tohru is probably going to say in his head.]

He'll probably tease Elias mercilessly about it for an hour. Give or take.

[ And it's good to see you smile. To hear you say that, because it means that maybe, he's helping. Maybe he's getting you to ease the guilt from your shoulders. Even a little.

It's a good enough opening, he supposes. ]

So. China, huh?

Mm. Just... needed to get away. Like I said.

[But he also needed to be close at hand, if only for his own peace of mind.

Terrible business, this waiting.]

[ There's that twitch on his brow. You probably know it well, given that you know his tells.

It hurt him. You, going. ]

That far, huh?

Edited 2014-03-31 18:46 (UTC)

[His response doesn't come quickly, because yes, he's reading into the look on your face.]

Pretty much everything here reminds me of what's going on down here.

[Saying that softly, and then reaching out to hold your cheek with one hand.]

I'm sorry about that. I should have told you, at least.

[ He's worrying at his bottom lip at that, but he does look up with just his eyes. ]

It's okay. [ Not... really. But he can deal. He doesn't want you taking him on as a burden on top of everything else. ] I get it.

It just... it hurt. Made me feel like you couldn't trust me to have your back.

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