icarusalsoflew | 003. and in every raindrop... // open post.

I had a feeling you didn't know. [ Brigade is looking in Hikaru's direction but off to the side of his face into the room behind him, avoiding his eyes. He takes a swig and a drag. ] She is your mother after all... and I'd like to think I'm a friend [ Trust? ] enough for you not to keep tabs on every little thing I do anymore. [ Privacy? ]

Yes, [ Brig gives out a sigh. He has absolutely no control right now over his reactions. This rarely happens. ] I was, brother. [ He doesn't say the last as an honorific. He never has with Hikaru. He's saying it with a sense of he has no idea what he's feeling. ]

I wasn't hiding it from you. I know you know that.

[Listening carefully. Watching. Then:]

I know.

[Soft and quiet. He isn't angry, though, just... thoughtful now. Very thoughtful. That much is obvious, in how his gaze has become distant, in how smoking that cigarette is taking a little longer than it should.]

[ Brigade doesn't speak. He doesn't know what to say. He's not sure how he should feel. He didn't mean for this to happen.

What was that old line again? "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall in..." No. Not yet. Just... I don't know. Interested? Curious? Hoping for a chance to explore it?

Approval? Or in the least, a nod that his brother didn't mind?

He'd wait for Hikaru to speak. He really had nothing else to say. He just needed to tell his brother the truth. ]

[And after he finishes that stick, he's pouring himself a drink before going for another one.]

She's been alone for a long time, you know. You're the first person outside of the family and her Whisperers that she has agreed to drink with in years.

[ Brig's surprise shows in a twitch around his cheek. He's not even bothering to try to take autonomic control over his body. This is Hikaru. Brother Death. Brother Weapon. Brother Hikaru. ]

I didn't know that. Here I thought she'd have a line of higher ranked Hunters and Oni-Tsukai waiting for her. I'm sorry if The Storm Queen popped to mind. Your mother seems like she could have anyone she wants, and no one would know.

She is.

[But his smile tells Brig that Hikaru would know. It's... a thing of theirs. And he knows Kasumi well, in as much as he respects her privacy.]

The real issue at hand is whether she even wants anyone. She didn't handle her husband's death well.

[It nearly destroyed them, in fact.]

[ He catches that smile Hikaru gives. Like mother like son. Like son like mother? ]

I wouldn't want to pry, sir. That seems like a private, family story. I'm not sure if [ she'd be happy ] I should be privy to it. [ Brigade wants to know. But he knows well enough when some things are private things. ]

The way you say it, she sounds very sad. It doesn't show though. As expected.

I think that she's actually content with what she has now. Love simply isn't in the picture for somebody like her, with the way things have gone in her life.

[Drinking.]

She is also the Lady of the Night of Zangyaku. Attachment is difficult.

[ Biscuit's face flashes before his eyes. There has never been another after her. ]

[ Brigade takes a swig. ] I know... how that feels.

[ He takes a puff of his cigarette ]

I don't think I have enough access, or if there's any access, on the files of the Lady of the Night, sir [ It slips out of habit as they speak on matters of authority. ] I probably wouldn't have read up on them, even if I did.

Edited 2014-02-09 07:13 (UTC)

They're available, but... I'm not too surprised that Kasumi did not say much of anything to you when it came to herself.

[Yeah, they were too alike.]

[ Brigade laughs a bit inside ] She and you are so alike.

Though I'd rather she did speak of herself and let me know about her, from her.

[ Brigade pauses and takes a puff ] I read up on you so much in the beginning. [ He remembers how angry he was in Korea. How spiteful Hikaru's eyes were. How the red rim was just a parlor trick to him like Chief Eli's Nimbus. ] After a point, when I'd read enough, I made it a point to hear about you from others, and yourself. I rarely open your files anymore, only if it's something you've already told me and I just feel I need to fill some details.

I find that I'd rather hear it from you. Like that first time you really opened up to me at Inquisitor Lim's shop.

Yeah, well... you know I'm bad at it.

[But he does try. They have been drinking together more-or-less regularly, right?]

Thanks for telling me about Kasumi. Her business is her own, really.

[But if he doesn't like it... yeah.]

You'll get better at it. [ Brig laughs internally ] (I hope) We'll get better at it.

[ He doesn't know what else to say. Is there anything else to say? He waits for Hikaru to go on. He doesn't know what he wants to hear. Anything would be nice. Just hoping that some of that trust that's always there underneath his skin comes to the surface. Some of that trust that they've built together in this short time. He could use a brother.]

[ He takes another swig but finds it's empty. Pops open two new bottles, cuts a one of the lemons he bought with a knife and pops in a slice in each. He leans and places one in front of Hikaru. Then he leans back and takes a swig. ]

Edited 2014-02-09 07:53 (UTC)

[He's smiling at that, but it fades away a little quickly. Cigarette. Booze.

Should he...? Did he even want to right now? And yet --]

Kasumi's husband Akihiko - the man who fathered me in my 27th cycle - he... I killed him.

[And he should look at Brig, but it's too damned difficult.]

She tried not to blame me for it, but. There you have it.

[ A pang of loyalty kicks in. More blame on him. Again.

But it's tempered by the unimaginable pain of watching the man you love killed by your own son. Brigade never told Alison (Hawke's co-head of the HECATON, "mother" of his troops and particularly the Titans (their 12-man elite strike team, and his woman) that he'd killed (or so he thought) Hawke. She would have hated him as well. ]

What did he do? [ There was no need to ask why Hikaru did it. There was always a reason. Hikaru was not evil. Just placed with hard decisions that are always arguable things after the fact. ] What happened?

[ Knowing this was more about Hikaru now, than Kasumi. It was another dark secret from his brother's past. If he'd let him, this would not be a cross he'd have to bear alone anymore. ]

Edited 2014-02-09 08:28 (UTC)

My awakening in that cycle was violent. I lost control, and took a lot of people with me.

[He doesn't want to think about it. He doesn't want to remember. The ghosts rise up anyway.]

Akihiko went in after I had slaughtered one too many blades of oni-tsukai. He wanted to see if he could get through to me and save me, even if it meant him dying.

[And it had happened. He had come back to himself just as the sword had run through the gut of a man who had loved him, so perfectly and totally, that it could not have been real.

Alistair had had to drag him away from the corpse, hours later. The Seer had been too strong for him, and maybe - just maybe - the rage had been spent just enough to make the tears come.]

Edited 2014-02-09 08:43 (UTC)

[ He had expected the man named Akihiko to have gone bad. Had expected that his father had pushed him to do it.

He had not expected this. ]

I'm so sorry. [ Brigade stands up to sit beside Hikaru. Unsure at first, but brushing it aside, he puts his arm over Hikaru's shoulder and just grips him close. ] It wasn't your fault, man. It wasn't your fault.

[ Brig puts his beer down and rests his hand on his own knee. ] He loved you very much. I'm sure your mother knows that now.

[He's sucking in a breath, breathing out, staring hard at the table. Then he's putting his cigarette out in order to light up another one.]

I know. [A beat, and then, more for himself than for Brig:] I know. We're fine now.

[ Brig doesn't let go. He just holds him tighter and reaches for his beer. He clinks it on Hikaru's bottle and drinks. He grips tighter to try to reassure Hikaru. There are no words. There just aren't any words.]

[And he's drinking as well. One swig, then another, then a drag from his cigarette, then a third that polishes his bottle off. Setting that on the table now.]

She's not going to be easy to get to. Just see how things go from here, I guess.

[Discussing his mother's non-existent love life is better than going back there, at any rate.]

[ Brig just takes another swig ]

It doesn't matter right now, man. Don't worry about it. It doesn't.

I'm just here to drink. [ Kasumi's face flashes to mind and he can only imagine her crying.

Then he can only see Hikaru crying over a dead body. He can only imagine the pain. The years she must've held against him and how he probably took them as he always did.

He takes another swig. And he's just happy they're okay now. That they got past it.]

I'm just here to drink with you.

Edited 2014-02-09 10:05 (UTC)

Part of drinking with me is letting me try to recover by being the deflective little shit that I am, you know.

[Have a tiny, tiny smile.]

[ Brigade laughs at that and finally takes his arm off. He can tell it's okay now from the return of the snarky humor. ]

Well, [ He takes a happy swig of his Corona ] I'm here to help you break some of your bad habits. [ He laughs and elbows him on the arm ]

Please try to be gentle with me, at least.

[Because, really. He does need to retreat, especially after big talks like this one.

Feelings suck.]

[ Brigade laughs. ] I will. You take it easy on me too, okay? I've got bad habits of my own.

[ Brigade veers the topic away, to lighter things. The idiot that he is ends up bringing it back to Kasumi ]

If I asked you for her personal line, would you give it to me? Or do you think she would appreciate it that I don't use her son as a cheat, and find a way to find the unfindable Lady of the Night?

[ He pauses. ] I'm getting ahead of myself, sorry.

I won't pursue this if you mind that I do.

Edited 2014-02-09 11:27 (UTC)

OOC: Autonomic control faaaaaails him right now. Uggggh

IT'S THE BLADE KING, IT MAKES SENSE...

Re: IT'S THE BLADE KING, IT MAKES SENSE...

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